Hey readers. Regarding yesterday's post, you guys might have known about a friend of mine that told about my dirty little secret. To be a little more specific, it's about what I am and how the society will judge if they knew about it.
It has been two days and I'm just thinking about it, not making any contact with her.
Some people say that we shouldn't dwell on the past but look forward instead. And we won't move on if we keep living in the past. However this is worth living there, at least a while..
Reconnaissance Dream5:57 PM
Welcome back readers. I'm here again and I have plans to start writing back in this new blog. I've made two entries before in the 2011 for this blog and for you guys out there that want to read about my past and know me a little better, feel free to visit http://www.takuyakanbara.blogspot.com
I remember when I first started posting up entries, the purpose of it was to remember the memories I made because I don't really have such a good memory. And I should continue doing so.
Don't worry, I will try to post sensible one. Let's get the ball rolling.
Yesterday was my 19th birthday. I'm getting old and it was fun all that to celebrate with my friends. With the consumption of alcohol, it took a drastic turn. Everyone started to be in their drunkard state. Some people say there are a few category.
The Whiner.
The "Why" Person
The Secrets Out Person
I thought it was nice to look at that sight once more since last year and it was. Never did I expect them to start kissing one another. A best friend of mine kissed another best friend of mine. And today, she told me she felt dirty.
I don't know what it feels like to be drunk. Is our conscience still there?
And to be honest, I didn't stop them because I was asleep by then.
There were five of us in total. Another one started to tell all the secrets I've told her. It was like she didn't even spare a thought. And she kept telling me she isn't drunk. Who would believe someone who just drank. I couldn't stop her either. I was speechless to even move.
When morning came, I just took my things and went out of the room and head home. Well, the setting was in a hotel room.
Should I feel angry?
Should I resent her?
And the secret she told was about my innermost secret. You know those secret that you only tell to those closed one.
This was a memorable day indeed. When I walked out of the hotel, my heart ached bit by bit with each steps I took.
It feels like a haunting on this special occasions.
Reconnaissance Dream7:54 PM
I've been acting so cold towards you and there are times that I'm just angry at you because you misunderstood everything I say.
And no,I'm not in love with you.Not anymore.
Now,I am here listening to this song ' Don't Love You No More' by Craig David
I think I will never have a chance with you.
As I think more into it, I can't change for who you are.
They say that I should at least have my options open
I don't know anymore. To give a chance into something that I know will never happen is considered a fat hope. I never want to get hurt because I can't get something. Since I stepped into this new environment, my heart has been a little vulnerable in terms of feelings and I can't go around expressing my emotions freely.
Many of us here look for our so called 'soulmate' but the chances of people finding it is very low. Soulmate. What is that? Does it even exist for me? Many argued that there's always someone for you out there because of the population of the world but being like this,wouldn't that limit my choices? And knowing that we are figuring out who's who is another thing.
About you, you turned my whole world upside down but knowing that I can't have you, I won't force it. We are barely friends yet I got too excited for nothing. You can just be a crush of mine. And you will always have a place somewhere deep in my heart.
T.
Reconnaissance Dream8:09 PM
This is the first Chapter I'm writing. I used to own a blog but I got too busy to manage it. And I've decided to open up a new account instead of reviving my old blog.
This is the moment that I've longed for. To just write what I feel, no matter how critical it is. It's a place where we as individual express ourselves. The purpose of opening this account is to set and go forth on a new adventure in 2012.
2011 has been a great journey for me and as always this journey never ends. I will continue to create the things I want to do in life instead of finding the answers. It's not a search of anything but only a story that I will continue writing from this point on.
As I've mentioned, many have come and go and I don't regret a single thing about it. I got up and moved on and I am glad that they became a part of my life even if it was only a brief moment. And I wouldn't be typing here without my struggles from the past.
T.
Reconnaissance Dream4:25 AM
